Crabcakes and Catnip
by masterofdarkness4533
Summary: A KatNep/KanMeu fanfiction featuring multiple couples which I ship. Keeping it T for now, but may change to M later if I get into it. Also yes, the title has changed...twice...and I keep changing it...I AM THE GOD OF MY FANFICTION I AM ALLOWED THIS RIGHT!
1. Chapter 1

Screw it, for those of you who have actually read my Homestuck fic, I'm changing it to a Humanstuck one, just because it'll be easier to write. End of story...roll film...er...story...er...WHATEVER *facepalms*

**== Reader: Be Karkat**  
Your name is Karkat Vantas, you're 13 years old, and quite honestly, everyone can go to fucking hell. First things first, you're an albino, yeah, white hair, pale skin, red eyes, the works. If whoever was reading this was expecting anything more, they can go to hell too. It just so happens that the albinism gets you in a lot of fights. But that's not really a problem. What is a problem is you're constant shift through various elementary and middle schools. Yeah, this has been happening for a while. What sucks even more is the constant "lecturing" your older brother gives you. He can go to hell too.  
**== Karkat: Switch to first person narrative, we don't want this asshole narrating**  
_WHOA WHOA WHOA, I'm gonna have to stop you there, you don't realize the dangers of a Homestuck character controlling their own fa-_  
**== FIRST PERSON DAMNIT!**  
_No you fools! You misguided-_  
Honestly, what the hell was I thinking? Stupid half-awake brain. Anyways I'm not sure where that weird scenario came from, and frankly I didn't really care. I, Karkat Vantas, have yet again gotten into a fucking brawl with some asshole. Expelled, for the 20th time, and forced to go to a new school. God, for once I'd like to stay in one school for one year, not get picked on, possibly get a girlfriend...wait...where did that come from? Ugh, stupid brain. Anyways, where was I? Ah yes, the new school. I was anything but excited for the new day. So you can imagine my mood when Kankri burst in shouting about how I would be very "triggering" to my new teachers if I missed school. despite the fact that I've been going there for 3 weeks! Honestly, I don't know I was cursed with this annoying douche, but I guess he does sometimes keep me from making an idiot of myself...gog I can't believe I said that out loud!  
"Kankri seriously shut up!" I yelled throwing my backpack at him.  
He caught it, of course, for an annoying bastard, the guy had good reflexes. Another thing I can't believe I just said.  
"Now Karkat, you honestly need to be less triggering, and in all seriousness if you had just vented your-'  
I grabbed my backpack from him, and flipped him off for good measure. God what a dick. Hopefully school will be worth it, ha not fucking likely. Sighing I grabbed my bag and rushed to the bus stop that would take me to the gog-forsaken place known as Colony High.  
**== Karkat: Skip ahead in-**  
_OH NO YOU DON'T I AM TAKING BACK CONTROL OF THIS SCENARIO BEFORE YOU ALL FUCK IT UP  
**== Reader: BE**** NEPETA...NOW!**_**  
**Your name is...oh gog not this again. ugh fine. Your name is Nepeta Lejion, you're a freshman at Colony High and absolutely love everything about it. The teachers are great, the people are nice, well except for Ms. Spiderbitch, and all-in-all the place is lovely. You just wish that moody kid Karkitty, well actually his name is Karkat, but you like Karkitty better, would sit next to you for once, maybe become your friend, come over to your house...you would cuddle-wait...oh gog he can't know, not now, and not ever. You sigh sadly. Why couldn't he be yours? But it's obvious, he likes that Terezi girl. you guess she's nice and all, but you wish he liked you that way. But Terezi is better, she's prettier, cuter, has a bigger bust...okay that last one was a lie, unashamed to admit, you had a significantly larger breast size then her, but who cares about things like that?  
**_== Oh gog this is terrible, I think I am beginning to see your relucatance, I just don't have the energy to write this way. Here, I'll give them free will if it'll shut you fuckers_ up  
**I sigh sadly, just once I'd like a ship of mine to sail. Well I mean, did get Gamzee and Tavros together, but it was obvious they were into one another from the start. I looked down at my sketchbook which I had been drawing in when I fell asleep earlier, it was open to the latest drawing I had. It was me and Karkat. That was the one thing I would never be able pull off. I could pair up Sollux and Aradia; or even Eridan and Feferi, but Karkat is never going to feel that way about me, not now and not ever. I grabbed my backpack and rushed out of my room towards my school.

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MOD: And so...it begins...or something, honestly it's not like I'm writing for all of you to see me be mysterious and what not, I feel that would be very triggering and not all to kind. A writer should embrace their own ways of writing but give the reader a chance to- *gets hit with a frying pan*  
Leo: God damn it, now Kankri's infected him with his bullshit...oh well


	2. Chapter 2

Okay forget the JohnVriska pairing, I'm making it KankriMeulin...shut up, I don't care...

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== Reader: Be Karkat  
I really don't know why I bother. here I am, sitting in the cafeteria, while the two idiots I call my friends are fucking shit up left and right. Gamzee, was juggling the contents of his lunch tray while Sollux, was, and completely oblivious to the world around him as consequence, staring at Aradia Megido, who of course, was staring right back. God the stuff I put up with at times. I was in the middle of contemplating how my life got to this point when I felt a tap on my shoulder. Turning around I saw Equius Zahhak, glaring at me with his arms folded. Ugh, what did he want this time?  
"Out with it Zahhak, what do you want this time, I really have no desire to be your punching bag and frankly, the thought of it is enough to make my brain hurt."  
Equius growled.  
"I'm only here because my friend asked me to request if she could sit with you and your...friends, on her behalf."  
"Your point?"  
"She would like to know if she is allowed."  
'Dude whatever, it's fine with me, she doesn't need our permission, or anyone's for that matter."  
"I only wanted a response, I didn't ask for an explanation."  
"Yeah well-"  
"Ahem!"  
A feminine voice interrupted our argument. I looked behind Equius and-oh shit! i found myself staring face to face with Nepeta Lejion, oh gog, no way...her...no it's obviously another girl, Aradia, or Vriska...gog please let it be anyone but her! I heard a smirk and turned to see Sollux giving me a wink, smug prick.  
"As mew heard Equihiss saying, I would like to sit with mew, if that's okay with mew and your furriends."  
I could barely form a sentence.  
"Oh...yeah...that's f-fine Nep-Nep-Nepeta...g-g-go right ahead...heh.' Oh gog, I'm blushing, shit, shit, shit, please don't let her see me like this!  
"Are you okay Karkitty?" Nepeta asked me, she seemed concerned, but I was babbling like fucking Gamzee with his miracle nonsense, so who wouldn't be?  
"What my friend ith trying to thay Nepeta ith that we'd love if you that with uth...Karkat ethpecially."  
I swear, I will fucking kill Sollux when I get the chance.  
"Yay! That's pawsitively purrfect, thank mew Sollux."  
Nepeta sat down, surprisingly close to me. Well...this is fucking awkward.  
"Well Nepeta, if you need anything, I'll be at the next table over." Equius gave Sollux and Gamzee a respectful nod and glared at me one more time before he walked off.  
And so here I am, sitting next to my crush, my totally not super hot, cute, fucking awesome crush. Yeah, today is going to be interesting.

* * *

And done, also sorry for the non-existent cat puns in Chapter 1, I was being absent minded. Also don't worry about Karkat's nervous attitude about Nepeta, I plan to make him like a tsundere. Angry and blushy XD  
P.S. I highly suggest checking out ArsenicKatnep's story "**Katnep- Cuddles, Coffee, and Cold Weather" **if you want to see how an actual KatNep story goes like. Anyways mi amici, arrivederci, buona notte e buona fortuna.


	3. Chapter 3

Back with Chapter 3, did you check out ArsenicKatnep's story yet? You didn't what are you fuck-asses doing, I said go...move before I sic Leo on you, but no, in all seriousness, here's Chapter 3!

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**== Reader: Be Nepeta**  
And so here I am, with my crush, Karkat Vantas. My totally not, super hot, really cool, totally perfect crush. I wish Equius would come back, but of course, that would be odd seeing as he left 3 seconds ago. I looked around. Karkat had his head down, Gamzee was being...well Gamzee, and Sollux was giving you a puzzled, but knowing look. Suddenly he passed something to Karkat, I saw him scan the note for a moment and a look of panic flash across his face, he then buried himself deeper into his arms, as if he was trying to hide his face.  
Just then, Sollux stood up.  
"Well Nepeta, it'th been fun, but I got thomewhere to be, come on Gamzee"  
"What, but I don't have a motherfucking obligation or nothing?"  
"Just follow me you juggalo athhole."  
Gamzee and Sollux walked off, noticeably in the direction of Aradia and Tavros, leaving me and Karkat alone.  
**== Reader: Be Karkat**  
"So...how's it going Karkat?" She asked trying to break the awkward tension.  
"Oh...you know...just fucking perfect...heh."  
"Um...well...I was wondering...if...mew would maybe like to have my Pesterchum name? Just a thought..."  
"Wait really!? Hell yeah I-oh um...er...yeah...sure."  
Smooth brain, real subtle.  
"Really? Yay! That's great Karkitty!"  
"Karkitty?"  
"Oh you don't like it, it was the nickname I came up for mew when I met mew."  
"Oh no, no, no it's...uh..very...cat-like...or something." God damn I sounded like a fucking idiot!  
She giggled. Wait, she giggled? Does that mean she thinks I'm funny, nah couldn't be, even Terezi would laugh at that poor of an attempt to be friendly.  
"Hey uh Karkat, this may be a bit forward, but would mew like to come over sometimes...purrhaps?"  
Wait...she was asking me over...to her house!?  
"Oh uh...well...er...uh fuck, jegus...i don't know...maybe?"  
"Was that a question Karkitty, or a statement?" She answered, smiling.  
"Both...maybe?"  
Well...this was going horribly.  
Just then a teacher began walking up to us.  
"Oh, looks like I gotta go Karkitty, here i'll give you my Pesterchum."  
She quickly wrote down her Pesterchum account name and handed it to me.  
"Bye Karkat! See you soon, maybe."  
'Yeah...sure...whatever you say."  
I wanted to say more...but i was sort of in a daze. And that was that. Nepeta walked away.  
My name is Karkat Vantas, and I'm pretty sure my life just got fucking better.

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Rate, review, eh you know what to do already. Just get on it pronto :)


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